Where the hell have you been.....?

Wow... I can't believe it's been so long. I really have to look into posting from the phone.

On the weight loss front: my weight has been trying to creep up. I was suffering these weird cravings ( not the result of pregnancy). Sometimes after yoga I would get this overwhelming feeling of needing to eat or I will pass out. It was a new and odd feeling. I would have to go and get something fast like a subway sub or something else bad. Consequently, my weight wasn't moving. Oddly, I thought my body was being super efficient. But passed in a few days when I remembered my weight wasn't moving and was in fact trying to creep up. I am convinced that if it were not for yoga, my weight would have ballooned. Finally I decide to go to the doctor just in case.

My usual doctor moved, I didn't like my second choice for a doctor, so I settled on my third choice. He was the only doctor in the group that I hadn't seen before. Five minutes into our first meeting he says I think you have reactive hypoglycemia. Five minutes. My blood sugar drops after exercise and if I don't eat enough times a day. And as often happens when someone is diagnosed, I immediately got worst. But it explained my previously unexplained heart racing issue, my grumpiness (a lot of it ), my lack of energy and was probably a key component in my past episodes of depression. It was one of those 'light switch" moment where I realized I was walking around in the dark again. It felt so good to know I was not completely crazy. And even better my doctor whom I met for 5minutes was actually paying attention to me.

What I din't realize was that hypoglycemia goes hand and hand with diabetes. Based on my blood test my A1C is 6.0. Doc told me I have pre-diabetes. I need to eat 5 times a day, stay away from the white foods and lose more weight. My doctor actually said that my vegetarian diet was a good thing. None of my doctors have ever said that to me. I have absolutely no idea why pre-diabetes is giving me so much trouble. Its not even officially the big D. But I have read on the internet that there is no such thing as pre-diabetes. Your either diabetic or you not. I wonder how long it actually takes to develop into full blown diabetes if I stay on the same road. This is all way too much to take in.

What smarts is: I lost all that weight because I wanted to avoid things like diabetes. Obviously I missed the boat on that one. And I am none too happy about it. I am having a lot of trouble getting in all my meals and I am really exhausted. Some things really shouldn't be left up to me. I have a hard time remembering to bring lunch in the first place. And by the way, I don't like stabbing myself with a small javelin. I am just overwhelmed by the whole thing. My dietary restrictions (some self imposed, some not) are really taking the joy out of eating. This is too much work.

I am also working on improving in Yoga. I want to get int0 awkward pose.

It angers me that I cant. The posture alludes me and I have been at this since March. I can sometimes get down to a respectable depth. But my knees start screaming and I can't get back up without lunging forward. I think it's harder for me to hover where I hover. But the lunging forward is very bad. Damn you Awkward Posture!!! Mr. Bikram knows nothing of boobies, junk in the trunk, and a stomach that sticks out when you are not pregnant.

During tonights class, I got a sharp pain up back of my neck to the top of my head. It started during the first part of awkward that is really not the part of the pose that troubles me. I didn't even try to go deep into the posture. It ruined my entire class. I really had to fight the urge to lay down the entire class. My head is killing me now. Obviously I am doing something very wrong. Maybe I am leaning too far forward. I don't know. All I know is it hurts like hell.

All that being said. I am determined that November will be my month of change. I have lost my focus and I need to get my intensity back. I'm tracking my food and exercise; and setting weekly goals again. If I don't focus, I back slide. And that is not OK. I promised myself a long time ago I would not gain that 100lbs back. And I meant it!